"We have to protect the planet!" the fluffy creature squeaked, its rosy fur trembling with urgency as it perched on the edge of the bathing pool. "The only weapon powerful enough is affection!"
Atsushi slowly lowered the shower bucket. En blinked twice. The bathhouse steam curled around them like a confused spectator.
"Did that thing just... talk?" En managed.
"And did it just say we need to rescue civilization with... feelings?" Atsushi added.
Before either could process the absurdity, the bathhouse proprietor's son burst through the door with the destructive enthusiasm of a golden retriever discovering a squirrel. "LET ME FLUFF IT!" Yumoto hollered, launching himself at the creature with outstretched arms and zero self-preservation instinct.
The creature fled. Yumoto pursued. And somewhere between the chaos and the confusion, destiny attached itself to five reluctant wrists in the form of glowing bracelets that none of them had ordered.
The Earth Defense Club at Binan Academy had, until that moment, existed solely as an excuse to do absolutely nothing. Its members preferred lounging to labor, snacking to strategizing, and napping to anything resembling effort. Io calculated the minimal energy expenditure for maximum comfort. Ryu flirted. Atsushi and En existed in a comfortable limbo of low expectations.
Now they were expected to be heroes. Magical, sparkly, love-powered heroes.
"This is ridiculous," Atsushi groaned, gazing down at his transformed outfit, which appeared to have been designed by someone who'd never met a man but had strong opinions about glitter.
"Ridiculously fabulous," Ryu corrected, admiring his own ensemble with unseemly delight.
"We're supposed to combat evil with... warmth?" Io asked, as though double-checking a math problem.
"With devotion!" the creature cheered from Yumoto's arms, where it had finally been captured and was being aggressively cuddled. "With tenderness! With the unstoppable force of adoration!"
Five boys who could barely commit to homework were now earth's last line of defense, armed with nothing but bracelets and the universal language of the heart. It was absurd. It was undignified. It was, against every rational objection, exactly the kind of messy, joyful, unironic crusade that a world drowning in cynicism desperately needed.
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